A Letter to His Ex, the Mother of His Child

Dear A,

Although I’m not sure how to start this, I have a lot to say. First and foremost, I am not trying to take over your roll as mother. That was never and still is not my intent. I want to be someone that she trusts and loves, because I love her, and I absolutely treat her as my own when she’s with us, but that’s not a dig at you. That’s because I love and respect that little girl so much, that it would be wrong to treat her as an outsider. I want you to be assured, that I will never ask her to call me anything but my name, because that is not my place, you are her mom, and I completely understand that. I want you to know that I have never, and will continue to never say a bad thing about you or in regards to you in front of her.

I don’t understand where your hatred of me comes from. Personally, I was ecstatic when my son’s father found someone who treats my son like her own, who when I can’t get off early and run him to practice, she is more than willing to, when his dad and I both work, guess what, he stays with his soon to be step-mom. Those little gestures, that I too am all too willing to do for your daughter. I get that we are two very different people, and that may be where it stems from, I’m not here to make anything difficult, I want things to be easier. You have been nothing but mean, nasty, and rude to me since the day you found out about me. I have never retaliated and even when faced with blatant disrespect, I have not said a word to you good, bad, or indifferent. I’ve not bashed you on social media, I’ve not sent you nasty messages, I’ve not done a thing to make you hate me other than loving your ex, and loving your daughter. Regardless of how our (you and I) relationship turns out, and I pray that it does get better, the treatment of your daughter will not change. It breaks my heart that she has to go through all of this and that with maybe one, level, conversation, a lot of it could be easily resolved. I’ve thought many times about reaching out, but was never sure of my reception and don’t want to make things even worse than they already are. When you are willing to step out of your comfort zone, and have an actual conversation with me, I hope you see that I’m not this monster that you made up in your head. I’m a good person who has nothing but the best intentions for your daughter. You would see that I absolutely care, and am willing to help out. Until that day, if it ever comes, I wish you the best, and pray that one day, we can get along.

Sincerely,
M

Back in the swing of things and baby mama drama...

So, ok, yes, I had a thing going, and I think, or I heard, I was kind of funny. Absolutely trying to get back in the swing of that, but that being said, due to not having quite the amount of frustrations that brought out that initial snarky vampire in me, I’m attempting to find some balance, so bear with me, I really am trying, but for now, on to some real shit!

Side note: WHOEVER GAVE MY NUMBER FOR CONTACT ABOUT A 2 BEDROOM APARTMENT CAN GO KICK ROCKS, CAUSE THAT IS ANNOYING. IF I OWNED AN APARTMENT, I WOULDN’T BE PAYING RENT ON ONE…

The mini me and myself, are doing quite well. He’s growing hair in place I don’t really want to know about, but at the same time should probably know… hell, I don’t know, this is new territory for me. He has taken a chip of the snarky block, and is so good sometimes, I don’t know if he’s being serious or not…. Dry sense of humor aside (no clue where he got that from…. ) the kid is brilliant and thriving.

I have been put in the situation, that so many now a days have, and although marriage is definitely in the future, there is no ring and no time frame currently for this, and that is totally ok. So technically not a ‘step-parent’ but essentially living that role. This is not a bashing the baby mama post, just to preface, that’s not my intent, and although her and I do not see eye to eye (aka she hates me), and it would be oh so easy to rant, that my friends, will solve zero of my problems. I personally, have been in said situation with my own child, and can do nothing but commend his father’s girlfriend. When I can’t get off work to take him to practice, if she can help, she does (just one of many examples, this chick is great). She cares about him, and his wellbeing, and from what I see, treats him as her own when they are together, and I personally think that is great. All one can ask for as a parent, is for positive influences on their children, and you will never hear me say a bad word about her. Much respect to her.

So in having this excellent example in my life that I truly appreciate, I now have the complete opposite of the spectrum with my boyfriend’s ex-wife and mother of his daughter, and quite frankly, I don’t know what to do. I in no way shape or form caused them to be separated, split, divorce (the list of words goes on and on, where is my thesaurus at???) Just wanted to get that out of the way, because had I been the cause, I could see how she could hate me. ALAS, I did not come in the picture until after it was decided that they were not getting back together. There has been a slew of things said and done to or about me, that for a lot of people, would be unforgiveable, and I get that, but in all honesty, all I want is to get along. I don’t want to replace this woman as a mother, I just want to be another adult in her daughter’s life that she can look up to and she knows loves her. I would be willing, at any point in time, to forgive, literally everything from the past, and move forward, for her daughter’s sake. I also know, that unless she wants to, that is not an option, and unfortunately, I worry, that it may never be an option. It breaks my heart, because coming from a family where after divorce, no one got along until I was far into my adult years (because me at the ripe old age of 32 is very old, lol) and it was very hard. I know there is a long road, and I truly hope for the best. To all you step parents, and people who’ve stepped in, or stepped up, thank you. For all the parents out there that have realized, hey the step(mom/dad) really just cares and wants the best, thank you. As they say, it takes a village to raise a child… I just hope my future village will learn some acceptance.

Filter...???

Can I get a, "filter out all blogs that are not in english, button"? I mean really? I enjoy looking at blogs, they are fun, some aren't, I like it when I find a good one. I'm happy for all you multi-lingual people out there, but I've got to face the reality that just because I can count in Spanish and French, does not mean I'm fluent! So, yea, that button would be GREAT!

Shout out to the Mom's!

To all you ladies out there with little boys, I beg you! Please do not over baby your little boys when they are sick. No female will want to deal with a Mama's boy when he is an adult. Stop it while you still can!